Coping Tool = Relationship Issues

One of the ways I deal with chronic pain is to detach myself from it, almost like detaching my brain from my body. Some call this compartmentalization, but really is can come across more like Disassociation.  This can be effective to allow me accomplish every day chores, like getting gas, doing dishes, washing clothes, etc. It is the primary coping mechanism I have used for the last 10 years off and on.

But it has had a very negative impact on the relationships with my life. I find myself in a place where I can easily detach from the people in my life. Combine this with the fact that I am an INFJ and this detachment can seem very cold and calloused. I generally avoid certain places and events, like my hometown, class reunions and even family reunions as well as many others. My anxiety just shoots through the roof when I am forced into these places and situations. I find it hard to be a loving husband, son, father, co-worker and friend.

While I know this is not good, I simple don't care; truly no sense of emotion in regards to this or other's feelings about it. Sound a little narcissistic I guess, but I am really not. I don't have the need for personal gratification and I definitely don't have a God Complex. I just really don't care. If the world was to be destroyed tomorrow and I was lone survivor in the world, I would be fine with that. My wife isn't fine with me being fine with it, but that's really the issue isn't it. I don't have, and can't seem to develop an emotional attachment to anyone or anything.

While it is definitely a benefit to be able to do this for pain, just to get done what needs to be done, it is proving very difficult on the people who are forced to have a relationship with  me such as my parents, kids and wife. I cannot shut it off and it is damaging to my relationships, which while I know it is bad, I can't stop the not caring attitude. I have been told by my oldest daughter (11yo at the time) during a father daughter day we had last spring that she feels scared because she sensed that I was pulling away. My mom has said that I am cold person that is difficult to connect with. But then again, my mom also said, "You're am an asshole." I can definitely see her point of view.

My wife has also mentioned that I don't really give or receive empathy as well and has frequently mentioned that I am an ass.

I say this to see if anyone else experiences this lack of connection to other people. If so, how do you help others cope with the fact that is the way you are. I am at a loss of how to deal with the whole situation myself, but I know that I am hurting those around me and don't really care. Again I know this is wrong, so please chime in and let me know your thoughts and experiences with not only from the Apathist point of view but also from the those that are most impacted by it (how did it make you feel, how did you cope, how)

Thanks for listening.